42. That’s the answer to life, the
universe and everything. A simple number that goes around the head of millions
of human bei… I don’t know who am I trying to fool, the question remains
unanswered, what are we? Why are we here?
On holiday season a looking back is
on top of the “to do” list. Everybody doing the year’s review, good things, bad
things, new people, people who left… It is important to be aware of these
things; life is no more than moments and things that happen fast, we have to
take them when they come. My personal look back is deeper this year.
Yes, life is no more than moments,
but we have to live them somehow. My year started great, had a job and a
future. Plans ready to happen. A wonderful summer ahead which was also a first
approach to moving out. New wonderful people ready to meet me in different
places. But someone up there, whoever it is, if it is true that there is
someone there, decided I was too happy. Took my job and my future for that
matter. I spent the last 4 months depressed and distressed, looking for
solutions, trying so hard to find a way to live that I forgot to live. Society
is so focused on its own gear that has forgotten that the real important thing
is that life is to be lived. Work is a priority because without money you are
going nowhere. Without getting into politics, it is obvious that chances of
being happy comes across a winning lottery ticket or something like that,
because if you have no job you can’t live out of nothing, if you have a job you
become a slave of that job and even if you have some money it doesn’t matter
because you don’t have the time to enjoy it.
Living. What would be living for me?
Being able to move to London would be a nice start. Playing rugby again, and
basketball; doing some fencing, going back to the swimming pool. Singing in a
choir. Being able to sit down and write without letting external concerns block
me, finishing my book. Going to the cinema and the theatre. Over everything
else, acting again.
There are lots of circumstances that
keep me away from all those things, but the main reason is myself. That is my
new year’s resolution. This year I will hold a rugby ball, a basketball, a
sabre and dive again. I will find the time to sing again with other people,
have fun with them. I will live alternative lives though my characters, real
life impossible loves that society will censor, unreachable dreams from my
current situation; all those lives that I live though a pencil and a paper. I
will sit again in the aisle, both in cinema and theatre. And, over everything else,
I will climb up a stage again and make it to a filming set.
All this things may seem pretentious
but that is my true path to happiness. That is what I need. I am tired of being
depressed, tired of being that guy that says he wants but don’t, tired of those
people that says they are there for you when they are not, tired of loving and
not being loved back.
John Lennon once sang that “living
is easy with your eyes closed” and that “life is very short and there’s no time
to fussing and fighting”. Looking forward, that’s the goal, cause “here comes
the sun and (…) its all right”.